Is it love, or simply the idea of it?
To love is to commit intimately and passionately in ways that even metaphors and poetry can't describe. It's this state of mind that Floetry sings about: The fantasies that make someone want to do everything with you: Run holding hands, building a family with you, praying over you as you sleep, or like all your Instagram pics from the first post to the last (well maybe not that). To love can also be when you let someone you cared for the past 2-3 years go so that they can grow. And in that process, grow in your own right. Often times we stay in relationships to protect the feelings of our partners and not consider what we truly are trying to protect.
Is this desire to make it work because we love our person or because we are committed to the idea of what we think the relationship is? The sweet things our person said that made us smile, the moments that created beautiful memories that can always be used as a hook to reel us back in when we're mad.
(cue the Future meme)
It is when we realize that we love the idea of the relationship more than the person, that it's time to reevaluate the relationship. Our commitment to making it work may only be one-sided and misguided from the beginning because some relationships were created on expectations and not results.
When you build a relationship solely on your expectations, you create a narrative that serves only you. In that process, you may find yourself enamored with a person and the idea of what they can provide in a relationship with you; a relationship that fits your narrative. Iuno about that chief.
The problem is, we put people on a pedestal that they didn't ask to be on, then get mad when they're not meeting the expectations they had no clue existed. So now we find ourselves trying to make our partner fit into our narrative instead of joining with them to create one together. And maybe that's what's missing in all this. Are we truly joining in with our partners and loving them for being them, or are we upset because who we wanted them to be is never who they were and admitting that requires accountability?
Something to think about...
- Stay blessed
Song to bump to
Video to Watch
Alicia Keys- You Don't Know My Name
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